


Take Me Out

by brodylover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confessions, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FTM, First Kiss, Headaches & Migraines, Kissing, M/M, Season 9, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 07:51:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1379749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brodylover/pseuds/brodylover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam decides that Kevin needs a day off and they go hiking. Kevin doesnt know that Sam really wanted to tell him something, or that he already knew Kevin's biggest secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me Out

Dean was gone, off to see Cas about something or other, Sam didn’t really care. Crowley was down in his dungeon, doing God knows what, Sam cared even less. Kevin though, Kevin was sitting at that same long table, a cold cup of tea in one hand, a compress in the other, pressing it to his temple as he read that cracked tablet. 

Sam refilled his teacup with boiling water. Kevin didn’t use sugar, even though he made a face when it was too bitter. 

"If you could do anything right now, what would it be?" Sam asked. 

Kevin squinted, mouthed the words he was trying to read. He didn’t answer Sam’s question. 

Sam nudged him, a foot soft against his shin. He repeated himself. 

Kevin leaned back in his chair, sighing, his eyes closed. He let go of his cup to rub at his eyelids. The headache was worse today. 

"I don’t know. It’s not really worth thinking about is it? Not like I can actually go out."

Sam smiled, small. He was tired. They both were. “Day off, Kevin. Dean’s not here and you know as much as I do that if you keep going at this rate you’ll have an aneurysm.”

"So what?" Kevin went lax, shifting the compress to rest more directly on the hurting part of his brain. "Gotta keep working, gotta get this done. It’ll save the world or something."

"Not today." Sam pressed. "What do you want to do?"

"You’re serious."

"Of course."

Kevin thought about it. He set the compress down and put his crooked finger to his chin. He looked like he was focusing on the question just as hard as one of his school tests, or the tablet itself. 

"I want to go outside." he admitted, "I’m not allowed to leave the bunker. I want to feel the sun. I want to walk. But it’s not safe for me to leave, is it?"

Sam smiled, really smiled this time. He could do with the outdoors. “You want to go hiking?”

"You’re joking. There’s no way… It’s not safe!"

"I’ll be there. We’ll pack heat. Nothing bad will happen, I promise."

And there was a miracle. Kevin smiled. It was small but it was true, it was real. He shook his head before looking up at Sam. “This is happening.”

"Yeah. It is."

————

It was more than an hours drive from the bunker to the Lovewell Wildlife Area, on the far side of the reservoir. Dean had the Impala, so they were using a small sedan that Sam stole along the way. Well, borrowed. He had every intention to return it. 

He’d wanted to talk to Kevin on the way, but the boy was asleep. Judging by the dark circles under his eyes and the paleness of his skin, he really needed the rest. His work with the tablet was killing him, slowly, that hadn’t been a joke. Sam wished he could take some of that burden away from him. 

He wanted to reach out and ruffle what little hair Kevin had. He’d grown up so much since Sam had first chased him around an asylum. He was broader, stronger, no loner a boy but a man. He wanted to mourn that boy. He shouldn’t have been lost. 

————

Kevin was hyper. He was excited. He was running, smiling, acting like a child. He was acting like a man on his first day free from prison. 

He ran to the water, to the reservoir, threw rocks, tried to skip them, and didn’t even care that he failed at it. He took off his shoes and waded into it, only stopping when someone started yelling at him because he was dirtying the water. He stole someone else’s Frisbee half way through a game and started throwing it himself, quickly joining in. 

Sam had to work to keep up and this, this was life. Hunting wasn’t it. Researching wasn’t it. Having fun, being free, being happy, that was life. And Kevin was living for a day. 

When they finally got into the woods, they were a bit of a disappointment. There were no tall hills, no difficult trails. That didn’t matter though, Kevin was racing through the trees, dodging under branches and leaping over boulders, zigzapping through the shrubbery.

Sam tried to follow him, but he was too big. His own mass and momentum forced him to fall over, to continue in directions he didn’t intend to go. He was laughing though, happy in Kevin’s glee, wishing it would never have to end. 

————

There was a tree, larger than the rest, one side of it dead. It was there that Kevin collapsed, exhausted. It had been a long time since he’d exerted so much physical energy. His back was sore, his breath was coming in gulps. He could feel sweat on his back and between his pectorals. The only exercise he’d gotten had been in self defense training, either from Dean or old vhs tapes. 

Sam joined him, leaning against the tree. His arm lightly touched Kevin’s shoulder. 

"Would you hate me," Sam breathed, "if I admitted that I had ulterior motives for today?"

Kevin panted, but looked up at him. “What. do you. mean?”

Sam gulped. He was kind of glad that Kevin had been asleep before. He didn’t want to talk about this. It had been burning in his chest for a long time. “I just. I need to talk to you.”

Kevin cocked his head, that steely glare that was usually reserved for Dean coming over his previously chipper expression. “What do you want me to do?”

Sam stared. An order? Kevin was expecting an order? Of course he did. All he’d received from them had been orders for the past couple of months. What had they done to him?

"Nothing." Sam promised, "Except listen, of course."

Kevin turned away, gave that glare to the trees. Sam’s mouth was dry. He didn’t have words, even after all of the rehearsing he’d done. 

"Look. You probably hate us, hate me, and after everything we probably deserve it.” he breathed, his voice cracking, “I don’t want to force you into anything that you don’t want to do, but we already have done that. I don’t want to do any more. Seeing you today, like this, seeing you happy. I want to see you like that all the time.”

Kevin turned back to him, eyes softening. 

"I hate seeing you with headaches, seeing you tired, seeing you hurting. If I can give you any kind of solace I want you to have it. If there’s anything I can give, just ask."

"Sam." Kevin interrupted. "It’s starting to sound like you’re in love with me."

He shut up. He swallowed. There was a burning behind his eyes. The last time he’d been this shaky was when he had a fake id that said “bikini inspector” on it. And Kevin was making jokes. Kevin probably hated him, had every right to. 

He hung his head, let his hair fall from behind his ears to hide his face. “Would that be okay?” he asked, a slight whine to his words. “You probably hate me, that’s okay. I hate me too. But would it be okay if I was in love with you a little bit?”

Kevin shrank in on himself, the slight touch between them gone. Kevin was a million miles away from him and of course he was. Sam was a freak, a monster, no one could love him. 

"You don’t want to." wasn’t the response that Sam was expecting. 

"What?"

Kevin was standing up, walking away from him. His arms were crossed over his chest, closing him off, hiding. He was trying to be small and he was already so tiny. 

"You don’t want to love me, Sam. Everyone who loves me ends up dead. My mom, my girlfriend. Everyone. There’s something broken about me."

Sam didn’t want the excuse. He could tell that it was more than that. “Everyone I’ve loved has died too. Dean’s died a lot of times, honestly. If you’re trying to reject me kindly, don’t bother, I don’t need the excuses.”

His eyes were red and blurry from tears. He hid them with his hair. He wasn’t expecting to see the moisture and color reflected back at him when Kevin turned back to him. 

"How dare you!" he cried, "How dare you give me this. I can’t use this! I can’t do anything with it. I can’t love you, Sam. I’m busy. I’m a prophet! I’m nothing but a tool to you. And I’m broken, all twisted up and mangled inside. You don’t want my love."

Sam stood up. He wiped the tears from his face, the snot from his nose, pulling his already stretched out sleeve. he turned away, ready to head back to the car. 

"It’s okay." he lied, "You don’t have to lie. I knew you wouldn’t be interested. I’ll meet you at the-

"I’m not lying!" Kevin practically screamed. His whole face was red and blotchy, his hands were in his shirt, twisting and mangling it, making it as broken as he said he was. He was sobbing, struggling to breathe. Sam wanted to hold him but he didn’t move, he couldn’t. 

"I’m wrong. I was born wrong. It’s more than being a prophet. It’s more than anything. I’m tearing myself apart inside and you don’t want to have to deal with it."

Sam froze. Then he started to laugh. He’d forgotten. He’d forgotten what he’d learned, what Kevin was trying so hard to hide. But now he remembered.

"What?" Kevin shook, "What’s so funny?"

Sam reached out, grabbed him by the shoulders. He looked like he was going to bolt. But there, with Sam’s hands there, he was anchored. He couldn’t move. 

"Is this because you were born a girl?" Sam asked once the laughter had died down. 

Kevin stopped crying. He stopped shaking. His mouth fell open and he was staring up at Sam with big eyes. 

"How…" he mumbled when he could even process that word. 

One of Sam’s hands moved, his thumb soft as it rubbed the harsh line of Kevin’s strong jaw. 

"Kev, I took out the garbage more than anyone else in the bunker. I found your pads, your old prescription bottles, the syringes. They couldn’t have belonged to anyone else."

"You never said…"

"It wasn’t my business." Sam admitted, "And I didn’t care."

It was Kevin’s turn to grab onto him and he did so with such strength, burying his face into Sam’s chest. His shirt was soaked through immediately with all of the accumulated tears and Kevin kept pushing, kept trying to get closer than was humanly possible. 

"You’re not grossed out?" Kevin asked. 

Sam finally ruffled that spiky short hair. “Of course not. You’r you, regardless of what you were born as.”

"I still have the parts."

"That’ll be fixed in time, I promise."

Kevin was crying again, but this time he was smiling. He released Sam, stepped back. His hands traveled up to Sam’s lapels and then he yanked. He’d really gotten strong while at the bunker and Sam was forced down to Kevin’s level, making it possible for Kevin to kiss him. 

The first was soft and kind, but the moment Sam touched him, hand large and supportive of the back of his head, the kiss turned aggressive. Kevin pressed against and then in, tongue swirling and laving. Sam returned the kiss in kind, so glad to finally get this out in the open.

"Thank you, Sam." Kevin murmured when they finally broke to breathe.


End file.
